![]() Don't ask about him or her, and request they (i.e., your friends, family and co-workers) not share your personal business in any way. Simply "go totally dark" about him to anyone who knows him or her and request they do the same. No peeking at his or her info for any reason. What does radio silence look like in this digital age? No phone calls, texts, emails or Facebook contact. (The simple "I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you" mantra is a legendary healing tool in the ancient Hawaiian Huna community.) I also love the Ho'ponopono prayer for this sort of transition-it can be quite powerful. Sometimes, it may be wise to see them as being "just what the doctor ordered" to get you to do that last bit of "work" to assist you in being ready for "The One." ![]() I believe in my full heart every person we have a relationship with has given us an opportunity to move further along our path in terms of personal and spiritual growth. Take the opportunity to thank the person for their presence in your life and their gifts, even if some of the gifts were painful. ![]() So, how does it work? In my view, a closure conversation helps both people, but if the other person isn't inclined, a letter helps. Radio silence is not taken with an ugly or bitter tone-rather, it's self-care put in practice by setting boundaries and taking the time to heal in a way that maintaining contact does not give you. Please note, radio silence is not the same as "ghosting." Instead of "disappearing" and not communicating (ghosting), you let your former partner know or you agree together that putting a stop to all communication is in order for creating a healthy space to part ways. On more than one occasion, she said "You have never really ended your relationship." Huh? Things finally peaked when I realized: A.) we couldn't "be friends" and B.) staying in contact was really bad for both of us, as it kept a flame of hope in our hearts for something that no longer worked and had run its course. Actually, that same "sacred space" radio silence gives you can also provide an opportunity to recalibrate your next steps as you move ahead with your life, including toward your "divine right partner," "The One" or whatever label suits you, if that's your intention.Ī related insight came forward for me when I was working with Tracy Boyer-Matthews, a superb relationship therapist (who suggested using this approach regarding a relationship that was no longer right for either me or the fellow I was seeing. My story and the stories I've heard from MANY women and men illustrate the potential usefulness and power of not communicating at all-radio silence-as a means of creating a space and time for you to heal and center yourself once you've decided to part ways with someone. Personally, I can relate, because I've lived all sides of this equation. I know some people might consider this perspective trite or oversimplified, but hear me out. Right was not able to come forward bore fruit in his life in a very big way, once he decided to take some action to change the dynamics. The idea that his ex was taking up space in his psyche and Mrs. ![]() He's happy, in fact happier than I've ever known him to be. What's interesting about this friend's journey is that very soon afterwards, he met the woman who he is now married to, and they're both currently glad to be expecting their 2nd child. He said, "I told her I needed total radio silence, and we never spoke again. I had never heard the term "radio silence" until the day a male friend of mine was explaining how he ended an "on and off" relationship that wasn't going anywhere.
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